so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
