You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
