I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
