I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
