I just threw up on my dentist
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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