Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
