My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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