Rock
Scissors
Fuck
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Someone signed my nipple.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
