btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
