god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
