oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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