The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
