awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
