it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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