I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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