He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
