everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
