so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
