Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
