we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
