Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
