I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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