omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
