I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
