Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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