dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
