I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
