Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
