Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
