Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
