Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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