Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just googled if crying burns calories
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
