I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
