i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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