Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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