i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
