Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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