can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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