Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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