oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
