man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
