the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
