tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
