I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
