i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
