mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
