No I am not eating basil off your cock
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
