thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
