I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
one might say we're banned from that church
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
