anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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