and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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