fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
