You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
