your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
