I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
