Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
